I'm VERY concerned about my son - Any suggestions/advice appreciated!

Sorry...this may be long..I apologize in advance.

My son is almost 9 years old. I know I should have done something about this by now, but I just haven't. I'm really starting to get worried about him...healthwise.

I can NOT get him to even try most foods. He won't even TASTE it to see if he might like it. He is a very picky eater!

I'm not even talking necessarily about eating more healthy (which I want that too), but things that most kids especially like, nope...not my son. He won't even try it! He won't try mac & cheese, mashed potatoes, ice cream (he'll only eat sherbert and he prefers lime sherbert), spaghetti, etc., etc...the list goes on and on.

I know this is the wrong thing to do, but my hubby and I have both even offered him money (bribed him...LOL) to just TRY something, but he won't! If we do finally talk him into tasting something, he will barely take a bite with his front teeth (where it's not even touching his tongue for him TO taste it), make a horrible face like it tastes horrible, and spit it out.

Well, I have given in and given in because I don't want him to go hungry. I have to be a short order cook for him most of the time. Like, I'll cook mine and hubby's dinner, and I'll have to make him his regular meal of chicken fingers.

I'm very concerned about his health. He plays a lot of video games and eats mostly junk. This summer we've really been noticing that he seems to be putting on the weight. So, I've been taking him to my sister-in-law's a couple of times a week since she has a pool for him to get exercise since he's not getting the exercise he was getting while in school at PE. I also make him go outside and play like jumping on the trampoline, etc. while I'm outside doing stuff. But here lately, it's just been way too hot and humid for that until the evening.

Here's the foods he will eat:
-Some dry cereals (without milk) - Cheerios, Honey Nut Cheerios, Froot Loops, Kix, Trix, maybe a few others
-Pop-tarts
-Regular Plain bagels with cream cheese
-Crackers - most kinds that aren't flavored - gold fish crackers, regular saltine crackers, Ritz, TownHouse, Cheez-Its
-Chips - most any kind
-Muffins, mostly blueberry
-Popcorn
-Block cheese (cheddar or colby) ... will NOT try sandwich slices.
-Bread - regular white sandwich bread, hot dog buns, rolls (but is very picky like if it's a different one than he's normally tried like if it looks different). He will not even taste of any of the wheat bread varieties even the honey wheat kind.
-Pizza - but picky about it. Will NOT try frozen pizzas of any kind. He mostly likes the pizza from our little local delivery place (not a chain). His favorite is the Hunt Brothers Pizza offered at most convenience stores around here. He will NOT try Pizza Hut or most others.
-Hot Dogs with the bun
-Sausage
-Bacon
-Hamburger (no bread) - I have to make him little small hamburger patties the size of sausage patties and call it hamburger sausage...LOL
-Bologna - fried only
-French fries
-And his most favorite food of all...fried breaded chicken fingers!!! He's even picky about this. His favorite kind of chicken fingers are this brand made from a company that's about 30 miles away from us..the pre-breaded frozen kind. It gets expensive, though when that's about all he eats for dinner when they're anywhere from $7-$10 for a 2 pound bag. His second favorite is Burger King chicken tenders. Next, the ones I make from chicken tenders and I batter them and fry them. Then, the other fast food restaurants and other brands of store-bought pre-breaded chicken fingers is what he'll eat if he can't get the above. He actually would eat every meal of the day chicken fingers if I would let him.
-As far as vegetables - NONE
-Fruits - Grapes (he prefers the white seedless grapes, but will eat the red/purple kind) and he'll eat strawberries. He will drink orange juice, but not eat oranges.
-He will at times eat peanut butter. He will at times eat jelly. But not together. He prefers a jelly sandwich (grape jelly) IF he has to eat it (If I won't cook him chicken or I won't let him have other things like pop-tarts, bagels, chips, etc.)

Drinks: Just about any kind of soda, but prefers Sprite or Dr. Pepper, sweet tea, koolaid bursts, capri suns, etc. (but won't hardly drink regular cheap koolaid made at home..????), orange juice, milk (white only...no chocolate or strawberry, which I guess is a good thing), water (thankfully, but not enough)

As you can see, most of his diet is mostly bread/carbs and/or sugar and fried foods (most of the time the fried foods are combined with carbs because of the breading).

I'm sure he gets A LOT of this from his daddy, which the only thing close to a vegetable he will eat is onions, potatoes, and pinto beans (which really isn't a veggie). But my son is even worse! He won't eat any kind of potato unless it's french fries.

He has never even attempted to taste MOST foods out there! I don't think this child has ever eaten anything (since he was a baby) that has to be eaten with a utensil. He won't taste of any soups, chili, spaghetti, etc. Even his favorite food, chicken, he won't eat it grilled or cooked any other way other than fried. He will eat regular fried chicken like a chicken leg or wing, but he would rather have chicken fingers. The only sandwich this child has ever eaten is a jelly sandwich and a PB&J (but prefers jelly only).

What can I do?! I KNOW that all the bread/carbs and sugar and fried/greasy foods are bad for him, but when he won't eat anything else, what do I do? My friends and family says that I'm just gonna have to put my foot down and refuse to be a short order cook and that I'll have to make him eat what we're eating. They say he may refuse the first few times, but when he sees I mean business, he'll get hungry enough to eat it.

I've considered this, but I don't want him to go hungry! I mean, me sitting there eating in front of him and all. I mean, I can't really ground him from food!

Most of the time, I'm big on making the punishment fit the crime...taking privileges away, etc. But like if I took video games or TV away because he won't try a different variety of food...that just doesn't fit the crime. I can't really come up with anything for this.

I'm at a loss! I've even told him that if he doesn't start eating right, I'm going to take him to his Dr. and tell the Dr. and that I don't know what the Dr. will do....maybe give him vitamin shots...LOL (I don't even know if there's such a thing, but I was just trying to sort of scare him where he'd eat.)

I had a talk with him yesterday about eating more healthy. I told him how his unhealthy eating can cause him to get sick, be unhealthy, get fat, etc.

Do any of you have any suggestions/advice?

Again, sorry this is so long!

I can only suggest some ideas. Maybe try just introducing some foods to him in a subtle way. I would certainly quit that preparing two meals for the family so he can get what he wants. You will grow tired of that shortly. Maybe cook one meal and make a little something that you know he will love to eat and mix in things you wish he would eat too. That way he will eat something and hopefully he will eat what you want him to eat too. When he gets hungry he will start to eat more, at least I hope he will.
Does he like fresh fruit? fresh veggies with dip? Does he like to help you cook? I know that gets some kids interested in new foods to help with the preparation of a dish and then tell everyone they made it as everyone tells him/her how great that tasted.
Also you might try preparing a favorite dish for him once or twice a week as a reward for helping out in the kitchen or for coming up with some new choices for meals. Try letting him make out a menu for the whole family that includes what you and his father like too. Hopefully that would get him to appreciate your efforts in the kitchen.
I do not have any concrete answers, just throwing out some suggestions as I wake up and go for my coffee.

I am with your friends almom. :)

Children aren't "built" to eat anything less than what they need.

And if you are concerned that your child is putting on weight he's likely getting more than what he needs--and more of the wrong things.

I went through something similar with my daughter (who makes terrible nutritional choices) and finally had to put my foot down.

I made a concerted effort to put more healthy choices on the table for EVERYBODY (taking into account the healthy things #1 daughter chose to eat) and stocked up on Peanut Butter, Honey and whole grain breads.

I put fruit on the table every night--and at least two green veggies. I also removed the processed white bread. I cut back on red meat to only once a week and we ate 55 different iterations of chicken and lean pork (lol. No lie). We live on the east coast so we eat a lot of fish too--baked or broiled. Fried foods just have never been on our radar unless we dine out so that never was an issue for us.

At the beginning there were (many) nights when my daughter just refused to eat what was on the table. Fine. I wasn't turning dinnertime into a psychodrama (and neither should you btw). I simply excused her from the table.

INVARIABLY around 2 hours after dinner was cleaned up she'd start looking for something to eat. Fine. I explained dinner was over and she was welcome to make herself a PB and honey sandwich (nutritious) or heat some dinner leftovers in the microwave. I explained I was not a short order cook (my very words almom!) and she would have to make her own dinner if she chose not to eat what everyone else ate.

We went through that for about a month. The lack of drama over eating--and the having to make her own "dinner" wore on her after awhile and she started eating at the dinner table with everyone else. Some nights it was only fruit or a veggie she liked. But she definitely began eating healthier things to the point now where she'll eat fish, chicken, some veggies and lots of fruit at dinner.

Frankly I also had to look at how *I* was modeling eating behavior in my kids--and I encouraged DH to do the same. If we wanted our kids to eat better *we* had to eat better--and we had to exercise.

So definitely take a long, hard look at yourself and what you are eating too.

Why don't you stop by the health and fitness chat this week?

We'll talk about modeling positive eating for our kids. :)

PS--Sorry my reply was so long too! ;)

Thanks y'all! And Cyndi.... maybe I will stop by the chat this week!

About the modeling positive eating for our kids... I'll admit that I don't necessarily eat the most healthy things and all organic and all of that, but I definitely eat LOT of veggies. I grew up on veggie plates from the garden (that I helped my mother plant and take care of and harvest)...MANY MANY nights only veggies and no meat (my mother couldn't afford it very often).

Now, I do like bread (just as hubby and son does)...carbs (mashed potatoes MMMMM).

I do exercise, although not as often as I should.

I'm putting my foot down this week. I might do it slowly and have a night or two in the beginning where I'll make him a chicken finger but let him know that he has to eat a decent amount of the regular dinner I prepared before he gets to eat it.

Another thing...we have a table that we rarely eat on nowadays. We've made the bad habit of taking our plates into the living room and eating in front of the TV. Whatever happened to the days of no TV, no phones, etc. during dinner. I'm gonna change that this week also (hopefully).

Anyway, thanks so much....I think I really KNEW the answer...LOL, but just needed some confirmation -- maybe so I don't feel so guilty and cruel for him not eating (which I know he won't do those first couple of nights anyway).

I have to say that I don't want to hurt your feelings at all but if you cook it for him then he wins. We went through this with my ex's nieces who refused to eat what was cooked so everyone cooked 2 meals for them. I had them for 2 days and I told them that they would eat what was on the table and I stood in front of the fridge when they took a temper tantrum and wanted to eat something "good". After an hour of the "drama" they sat down and ate 2 helpings of what was fixed for everyone.

Well I tell ya, my daughter doesn't make good food choices either. I do buy healthy foods and rarely eat meat BUT hubby looooves the bad stuff, the more it's processed the more he loves it. He's a meat and potatoes kinda guy. Usually I fix everyone something different...yeap, it can be a pain. Hubby will not eat veggies.
So what am I doing?

Well, only allowing her to eat healthy choices w/a "bad" snack every now and then. And yes, I do reward. A small glass of fat free milk w/some choc added is the standard here.

JMO, He will not starve....trust me he will come around....my daughter did! And yes, she did miss a few meals/snacks because she didn't want to eat what I was giving her...hubby was freaking and still if she doesn't clean her plate, he's all over her!! I'm like, "she doesn't have to finish it, maybe she's full" I also put the veggies only on the plate first and tell her she must eat the 'good for you' stuff before she can get meat or potatoes or snack.

my dd is a little chunky BUT she has always been very tall and had that "baby Fat" look...height and weight in the 99%.

She was a juice junky!!! And finally I just put my foot down and said no more juice, ice water only!! And after about a week or so she was drinking water...no big deal. Now on rare occasions she gets juice.

I do have something funny to add....when dd is faced w/something she doesn't want to eat she will act like she is going to throw-up!!! Scares hubby but I just tell her if she gets sick she is going to be in soooooo much trouble!!!! and I will take a privilege away!!! (these are usually veggies she would eat as a babe/toddler and now that she's bigger she will not eat)

whew...I got a little long winded there.....

Good Luck.

Ok well this might not be the right way but this is waht my parents did to me and how I get my kids to eat what we eat. We allow "dessert", they get any snacky/junk food they want after they eat what is on the table for dinner, they dont want to eat, they dont get dessert and certainly do not get another meal..they know if they eat atleast some of whats on their plate there is nothing else coming.

You make such a great point about eating at the table almom!

Eating in front of the tube really promotes "mindless" eating. You are so occupied with what's on the television (or computer) you have no idea what you have really consumed.

I know it's hard but get your family back to the table.

My husband's on a kick now that NO ONE LEAVES THE TABLE until we've all talked about our day.

lol. It's driving #1 daughter nuts--but she's slowly buying into it.

EDIT: I definitely think you should stop by the chat for a few minutes. Sounds like you're gonna need the group to get you goin'!

dazzzlingdani wrote:

Ok well this might not be the right way but this is waht my parents did to me and how I get my kids to eat what we eat. We allow "dessert", they get any snacky/junk food they want after they eat what is on the table for dinner, they dont want to eat, they dont get dessert and certainly do not get another meal..they know if they eat atleast some of whats on their plate there is nothing else coming.

Hey dani, this is a rule at our house too!! AND it works!!

Yes, there are evenings where dinner doesn't get eaten....but boy she sure is hungry when she gets up and she eats a nice breakfast :)

I think this really helps in my efforts because I stick to it....."nothing else if you dont' eat the good stuff"....she knows I'm serious and she is not getting anything for the rest of the evening/night.

cyndilouwhoo wrote:

My husband's on a kick now that NO ONE LEAVES THE TABLE until we've all talked about our day.

I love this idea!!! We do this too, dd is only 3 (almost 4) and we ask her about her day...even though I'm right here...lol...but we think this is a good habit.

When my hubby was growing up they had a dinner time ritual where the kids had to bring a new word to the table. Ya know like "fructuous" and then he would have to spell it and tell everyone what it ment. He said at first it was annoying and then it got to be a game....everyone was on the hunt for the weirdest or most "out there" word.
I'm looking forward to this when my kids get older :)

I think it's really, really, really important not to make meal time a psychodrama.

Other than the fact that it upsets everyone (and accomplishes NOTHING) it sets up a lifetime pattern for some people that is very hard to break.

Without getting all "psychological" on everyone, to this day I find it incredibly hard to leave uneaten food on my plate--even when I am full.

I grew up in a lower middle class family (and my parents grew up pretty poor) that believed that cleaning your plate of every scrap (and my mom knew how to pile on the food) was a MUST.

My folks were "bargainers" too.

I think placing mandates on how much and "what" a kid eats and giving incentives for eating the "right" foods just sends a child the message that food has a value beyond sustenance. It's the reason I think I have had to fight a weight problem most of my adult life.

Just my .02 :)

I agree, you shouldn't force a kid to eat...I struggle w/my hubby on this one...he likes everyone to be a member of the clean plate club. AND just wants her to eat!!! EVEN if it is not nutritious!!! He will say, "well, at least she ate something" I'm like, " I would have rather her not eat anything if she was just going to eat junk"!!!!!

But if the veggies are not eaten...then no snacks. My concerns are the veggies!!! She must eat the veggies IF she wants anything else. and i fix good veggies ....organic, fresh, steamed.

weight is a problem on my side of the family as well and I do agree this clean plate thing can be a recipe for disaster.

Thanks so much, everyone! I really appreciate it!

Last night I had promised my son that today I would make him blueberry muffins for breakfast, so I did. I made myself some scrambled eggs and whole wheat toast and made enough for him. I know this thing can't just happen overnight, so I'm gonna go a little slow without fully giving in. Since I promised him the blueberry muffins, I made those and also put a few scrambled eggs and a piece of toast on his plate. He, of course only ate the blueberry muffins.

For lunch, trying to think of something he would like, but wasn't so unhealthy, I offered him a choice of a peanut butter sandwich or turkey slices or that he could have a turkey sandwich with the turkey slices. He never would tell me, so I gave him turkey slices and a few slices of colby cheese. I also put a few grapes on the plate. I told him that if he's still hungry after eating that, he could have a graham cracker (which I forgot to put on that list of stuff he'd eat on my first post).

To my surprise, he ate all that was on his plate, but was too full for a graham cracker. He actually ate turkey slices!!!! YEA! He said that he wasn't sure if it would taste like the turkey slices he eats at school, but it kinda did (so he eats that at school).

Now, to figure out what I'm gonna offer him for dinner....

I know this is going to be hard, but I've GOT to do it!! Thank you for all your support!

And oh, Mafia Princess....don't worry about hurting my feelings. I honestly KNOW that he wins when I cook him something separately. I need the constructive criticism to get me going on this! I want a healthy child!

From a mom who was constantly fighting undermining by my mother with my son.. just put your foot down.

If he likes blueberry muffins you could always modify the recipe and make them healthy.

I made "breakfast cookies" this morning. Basically oatmeal choc. chip. But no butter or crisco used organic natural peanut butter instead....instead of an egg used some cornstarch and applesauce. took 1/3 of the sugar out of the recipe, added flax meal and whole grain flour instead of just white flour....any who, they ended up being a high protien, high fiber cookie w/ little choc. candies (hey, I'm all about compromise)....she loved 'em :)

Have you ever heard of making brownies w/just the brownie mix and canned pumpkin or brownie mix and purreed black beans....hey it works...she gets a sweet snack and I sneak something good for you in.

I'm all about making unhealthy things healthy.

There are a couple of GREAT recipe books out there that allows the cook to sneak healthy stuff into foods so kids (and husbands) don't know they're getting good stuff.

I'll try to have the titles for you at chat time on Wednesday. :)

And don't sweat this food business with your son. We've all been through it and one thing I think we are all saying is that you come out the other side of the grinder mostly intact.

When you make food an issue it becomes an issue with far-reaching impact.

I like #2 daughter's take on eating btw:

"Mom it's just FOOD!"

Note that she is skinny as a rail and is the best and most sensible eater in our family. :)

I wish I knew where that kid came from.

!

I just wanted to say that I just don't buy anything I don't want my kids to eat. That way, it's just not in the house and it's not an option for anyone. I definitely agree w/everyone that the parent has to model good eating habits for their kids.

My kids know that if they eat their dinner they will get dessert. However, my dessert is jello with whipped cream, sugar free pudding, popsicles or fruit topped with whipped cream.

It was hard to get used to not having chips and cookies and other munchies in the house but after a while you just get used to it. Now for snacks we eat fruits and veggies. Fav's are carrots dipped in ranch and celery w/peanut butter.

Your son will get used to it. Believe me he won't starve himself.

Who is the parent??? Fix what you think he should have; when he gets hungry enough, he will eat! Take control!

luvkatz49 wrote:

Who is the parent??? Fix what you think he should have; when he gets hungry enough, he will eat! Take control!

This is true, I was in a situation much like yours, I try to fix some of the things my son likes, but I introduce new things as well, and our rule is that he tries at least one bite of each item before he leaves the table.

Okay, as a mother myself I totally understand not wanting your child to be hungry but.....

I was a very picky eater myself as a child. I ate very similar to what you have described. Now, at 39 I have Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Type 2 Diabetes, Thyroid problems, back problems, fertility problems and I had to have my gallbladder removed. Not all of this is caused by obesity, but a lot of it is and the rest is certainly made worse by it. After years of trying to undo the damage that I have done, and the bad eating patterns that I established early on, I am now looking at having Gastric Bypass Surgery to help add some years back to my life, or at least some quality.

Not that I blame my Mom for this at all, but things may have been different if she had let me go hungry once in a while. I know that she was only doing what she thought was best, but rest assured that I am not doing the same things with my daughter. Even at 3 years old she want to pick and choose and I am doing my best to not encourage that early on. She can eat what she is given or she can go hungry, and eventually she always gives in. It is very hard at times, but in my heart I know I am doing what is needed here to keep her from making the same mistakes that I made.

I thought I would write a short note in answer to your problem, first I am not a mother but I have raised children at present my son lives with me and he developmental disabled. I am divorced from my wife but when I was married to my ex-wife she had a daughter that only ate certain things and they were not healthy my wife made special meals for her. When we sat down to eat dinner she just refused to eat the meal that was put on the table and it was always a fight at the table trying to make her eat.Finally one day I put my foot down and told my wife that if she didn't want to eat,don't argue with her let her not eat at meal time and nothing more that evening. That l;asted for about one week then she finally decided to eat what ever was put on her plate. Problem solved. Remember you are the adult and parent you make the decisions what your children eat in your house hold and don't let the child dictiate to you.If they start with food next step will be telling you what to do.

I thought I would write a short note in answer to your problem, first I am not a mother but I have raised children at present my son lives with me and he developmental disabled. I am divorced from my wife but when I was married to my ex-wife she had a daughter that only ate certain things and they were not healthy my wife made special meals for her. When we sat down to eat dinner she just refused to eat the meal that was put on the table and it was always a fight at the table trying to make her eat.Finally one day I put my foot down and told my wife that if she didn't want to eat,don't argue with her let her not eat at meal time and nothing more that evening. That l;asted for about one week then she finally decided to eat what ever was put on her plate. Problem solved. Remember you are the adult and parent you make the decisions what your children eat in your house hold and don't let the child dictiate to you.If they start with food next step will be telling you what to do.

I thought I would write a short note in answer to your problem, first I am not a mother but I have raised children at present my son lives with me and he developmental disabled. I am divorced from my wife but when I was married to my ex-wife she had a daughter that only ate certain things and they were not healthy my wife made special meals for her. When we sat down to eat dinner she just refused to eat the meal that was put on the table and it was always a fight at the table trying to make her eat.Finally one day I put my foot down and told my wife that if she didn't want to eat,don't argue with her let her not eat at meal time and nothing more that evening. That l;asted for about one week then she finally decided to eat what ever was put on her plate. Problem solved. Remember you are the adult and parent you make the decisions what your children eat in your house hold and don't let the child dictiate to you.If they start with food next step will be telling you what to do.

I have three kids and they are all healthy and make wise food choices. I attribute it to the fact that I grew up in a house where if you were hungry you had to cook something or eat fresh fruit and veggies. There was no junkfood at all and I was lucky to get a piece of gum occasionally. I hated it growing up but I am so grateful for that now. My house is the same way, there are no chips, cookies, drinks full of high fructose corn syrup, etc. They eat anything I cook for them and if they want a snack there is always fresh fruit and veggies available. They do occasionally get ice cream or something or I'll make dessert, but for the most part they just do without. They don't feel like they are suffering from that. And I am NOT trying to sound smug, I know how lucky I am to not battle with my kids over food, believe me! I am just trying to reinforce the fact that if no alternative is available, they WILL eat what they are given. The "experts" say that a child must be given a food 40 times before they can decide if they like it, yet they quickly develope a love for junk don't they? This will be a difficult battle for you, almom, but I know you can do it and you will prevail! Good luck!
P.S. There are so many books geared towards making nutritious, fun, meals for picky eaters. One that comes to mind is "What are we feeding our kids" but I can't remember the author. I'll try to find that for you, and the names of some others.